Ok, so people ask me and tease me all the time about liking Twilight. i always respond that my reasons for liking the series are not the typical. Finally, i'm going to attempt to explain myself. first, let me share some conclusions i've come to about why most Twilight fans are fans.
In my mind there are 2 categories: 1: the preteen/teenage fan (and a few women my age that share this reasoning too) who loves the fairy tale and dreams of this flawless, perfect, and for most, unattainable love that comes so young for Bella. They hope that the fantasy can come true for them.Pluss there are pretty boys to look at. 2: the Twi-moms-( if you are one, please don't be offended by my generalization- this is just what i have observed) who love it because they are at a point in their lives where reality is very very real and in many cases, far from a fairy tale romantically. for them, Twilight is an escape back into the fantasy of love they dreamed of when they were young. Plus, there are pretty boys to look at.
I believe that in many cases entertainment is what we bring to it. i'll get into what i bring to it in a minute, but first, let me illustrate what i mean- and you can sontrast the following view with my own. i have a friend who has some major issues with wilight because of her own life experience and relational past. she was in an abusive controlling relationship, so the actions that i see in Edward as protective and caring, if slightly paranoid at times, she sees as darker- manipulative and controlling. she has been treated this way by someone who was just awful to her, so that's what she gets out of it and i understand that. but it's her opinion, just like the following is mine, based on my relational experience.
Ok, so i tell people i like Twilight because it bears many many similarities to my own story of young love and marriage. they often respond with an eyeroll and one of 2 questions: "oh, so Scott is a Vampire?" or "Oh, does Scott Sparkle?" and i get exasperated. no, he is not a Vampire, he does not sparkle, no my guy best friend when i was young was not a werewolf, my life has never been in danger from other people like scott... yadda yadda. but here are some notes i took off the top of my head this morning to illustrate what i mean:
Twilight
-physical similarity to Bella
-age similarity
-clumsy
-new girl in town
-not great relationship when we first met-but strangely drawn to him-roller coaster friendship phase- never sure he even liked me much till ge told me he loved me.
-he is frustrated by my clumsiness
-my dad is like Charlie-not super expressive but protective and loves me to bits- was never entirely sure of what to make of us
-his family larger and very different from mine, but very accepting, loving, embracing-I fit right in.
-he is a musician.wrote me a song on piano
-met a guy around the same time who I became close friends with-who was also a possible romantic interest who "made sense" for me, but I just didn't feel as strongly about him.
-Bella and I love the same books-particularly Austen.
-Scott and my physical relationship very similar-intense but chaste and abstinent
-he's always made me feel I'm the only woman he notices.
-I've never understood why he loves me-he feels so above me, and it boggles my mind he'd want me. In the beginning this made me constantly think he'd get tired of me, or wake up and realize he was too good for me.
-Debussy-particularly Clair de lune.
-he likes hiking. I'm far too clumsy.
-we went to prom together.
New moon-
-it was Scott's family that threw my 18th Bday party.
- Scott broke up with me at one point "for my own Good" I was a disaster the entire time we were broken up. Just as bad as Bella. Truly. During this time, my best guy friend was my rock- I knew he had feelings for me, but I only wanted Scott back. Fortunately, unlike Jacob, my friend respected this. When Scott and I got back together it was even better than before.
Eclipse:
-Scott and I got engaged at 18
-I am, like Bella, the more physically aggressive one.
Breaking Dawn
-got married very young, against all the odds and people questioning whether it was too soon.
-wedding night chapter very similar to our wedding night-esp with Bella feeling totally lost as to how things would go. Literally had the same thoughts as her.
-being married was immediately right and natural.
This is by no means a complete list, and if i read the books through and took notes i'm certain i could come up with a few hundred more, including quotes and moments, but these examples serve to illustrate the reason i love twilight. for me it reminds me that sometimes fairy tales do happen, and while my relationship isn't perfect (really, neither was Edward and Bella's- they fought often!) i'm incredibly happy in it and i love remembering where we came from. so there. :-)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
i am a C- i am a C-H...
okay, so many of you know over the past few years i've been through some things. and stuff. some of it happened to me, some of it i made happen with selfish choices. that's not what i'm blogging about though. i'm here to share a thought process that has really had me tied up awhile.
a few months ago, a close friend (who is not a christian but has a church backround) told me that she struggled during my darker days with me openly claiming to be a Christian- assumedly because of some of the ways i was living my life- this really took me aback, because though internally i was a mess, publically i was still living a "pretty clean" life- one that i certainly didn't expect a non christian to be offended by. Furthermore, my faith never ceased to be very important to me- EVER- even at my worst, most sinful and selfish times. i was not walking the way i talked consistently, and i was definitely living more to please myself than to please God, but my faith and belief in Jesus was never for a moment voided.
So i started thinking. the break here was between my friend's definition of what it means to call oneself a Christian and mine.
i'm not prepared enough to quote chapter and verse on the biblical definition of a Christian right now and i don't think that's the spirit of this internal discussion. i know i'm a Christian based on that- but what the world sees and what makes me live for Christ is more than that "dictionary definition.
What a lot of the churched and unchurched world defines christianity by is a long list of rules. of do's and don'ts, and "things we don't do" in the name of following Jesus. that is SO not what it's about. i'm not gonna get into a discussion of legalism here because that is its own blog post, but let me say this. Jesus cares so much more about what's in our hearts than the motions we go through to prove we are His.
In my heart, the definition of being a Christian is this: I believe Jesus is the Son of God. i believe he died and rose again for my sins. i am so thankful for this sacrifice that i seek with my life to honor Him, glorify Him, and love like He loves. does it mean i am successful at this all the time? NO. does it mean i don't fall and fall HARD into doing things my own way at times? NO! what it means is that i am a wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked sinner who has been saved by grace and daily must die to self to live for Christ. no matter how selfish and sinful i am at times, that fact does not change. i would never claim to be better than anyone else- i'm not. i fall hard sometimes. Truth is, i'm held to a higher standard because as my mom would say, i've all the powers of heaven and earth at my disposal and i still sin. sigh.
an example of what i'm talking about is a recording i heard of an old drunk man singing "Jesus' blood never failed me yet" this guy is speaking the truth he knows in his heart and that he believes- but he's wasted. his drunkenness doesnt change what he believes or that he believes it- he;s jsut not being a consistent witness for Christ in this state- and i beleive that is really what my friend was talking about- i was hurting my witness through some of my actions.
The upside here- what can help my witness- and yours too if you're a Christ follower who sins like i do- is humility. i feel like the fact that God picks me up when i fall down and makes something beautiful out of my muck brings Him more glory and makes the gospel more accessible- being a christian doesnt mean you're perfect- it means you're loved anyway and can climb out of the messes you make.
this song has come to mean a lot to me and i think it describes the Christian walk beautifully:
a few months ago, a close friend (who is not a christian but has a church backround) told me that she struggled during my darker days with me openly claiming to be a Christian- assumedly because of some of the ways i was living my life- this really took me aback, because though internally i was a mess, publically i was still living a "pretty clean" life- one that i certainly didn't expect a non christian to be offended by. Furthermore, my faith never ceased to be very important to me- EVER- even at my worst, most sinful and selfish times. i was not walking the way i talked consistently, and i was definitely living more to please myself than to please God, but my faith and belief in Jesus was never for a moment voided.
So i started thinking. the break here was between my friend's definition of what it means to call oneself a Christian and mine.
i'm not prepared enough to quote chapter and verse on the biblical definition of a Christian right now and i don't think that's the spirit of this internal discussion. i know i'm a Christian based on that- but what the world sees and what makes me live for Christ is more than that "dictionary definition.
What a lot of the churched and unchurched world defines christianity by is a long list of rules. of do's and don'ts, and "things we don't do" in the name of following Jesus. that is SO not what it's about. i'm not gonna get into a discussion of legalism here because that is its own blog post, but let me say this. Jesus cares so much more about what's in our hearts than the motions we go through to prove we are His.
In my heart, the definition of being a Christian is this: I believe Jesus is the Son of God. i believe he died and rose again for my sins. i am so thankful for this sacrifice that i seek with my life to honor Him, glorify Him, and love like He loves. does it mean i am successful at this all the time? NO. does it mean i don't fall and fall HARD into doing things my own way at times? NO! what it means is that i am a wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked sinner who has been saved by grace and daily must die to self to live for Christ. no matter how selfish and sinful i am at times, that fact does not change. i would never claim to be better than anyone else- i'm not. i fall hard sometimes. Truth is, i'm held to a higher standard because as my mom would say, i've all the powers of heaven and earth at my disposal and i still sin. sigh.
an example of what i'm talking about is a recording i heard of an old drunk man singing "Jesus' blood never failed me yet" this guy is speaking the truth he knows in his heart and that he believes- but he's wasted. his drunkenness doesnt change what he believes or that he believes it- he;s jsut not being a consistent witness for Christ in this state- and i beleive that is really what my friend was talking about- i was hurting my witness through some of my actions.
The upside here- what can help my witness- and yours too if you're a Christ follower who sins like i do- is humility. i feel like the fact that God picks me up when i fall down and makes something beautiful out of my muck brings Him more glory and makes the gospel more accessible- being a christian doesnt mean you're perfect- it means you're loved anyway and can climb out of the messes you make.
this song has come to mean a lot to me and i think it describes the Christian walk beautifully:
Thursday, October 21, 2010
It's tomorrow! This is FOR REAL!
As i lie down for bed last night i started to feel like all this was finally real. i mean i know Mandi is a real person, and anyone who saw a picture would know she is my sister. but i have dreamed and ached to meet her for as long as she has been alive. (note: Adam, if you're reading this, you know i am dying to spend some time with you and Ricki too, but there is a totally different bond with sisters. :-) i love you too and you will always be my FIRST sibling!) because i wanted to mark this moment, and didn't have time or energy to write this post right then, i posted this on Facebook:
Winding down. Trying not to wind up when I think of this next bit:
I woke up this morning to a whole host of facebook notifications, but the one that sent me to view this was my favorite.
then, i clicked over to her facebook profile and saw this status message:
Again, i was floored and touched! When Mandi was born, the six year old Mae was so excited that she was finally going to have a little sister who she could do everything with. we would be best friends and inseparable and life would be a fairy tale. This bubble was sharply popped when, a few months later i came to understand the terms of my being adopted- which of course was the best thing and i have no complaints-and was promised that if i wanted to find my sister and brother when i grew up i would have help from my mama. from then on, i hoped and wanted the relationship i;d dreamed of for Mandi and i, but it seemed like a longshot that i would ever even find her, and if i did would she want to know me? and the longest shot of all would be her wanting to be close to me and love me like i love her. but y'know, now i have all of it. i have fantastic relationships with Christina and Melissa, and this takes nothing at all from them, but there is a definite sense of completeness now.
i've put off all the packing and prep till now (2:45 Thursday afternoon) because i know myself and i know it will help ease the antsy this afternoon and evening to have something to do. expect a looooong blog post or series of posts on this weekend with tons of pictures. i cannot wait!
Winding down. Trying not to wind up when I think of this next bit:
Mandi: when we wake up tomorrow we will only have a day and a few hours left apart! I love you!
I woke up this morning to a whole host of facebook notifications, but the one that sent me to view this was my favorite.
Mandi Kelly Maegan: in one day and a few hours I will have the whole weekend with my sister!! You have no idea how excited I am! I've waited my whole life to meet u! N now I have my sister!! Yaaay! I'm so freakin excited! I love u!
Even re-reading it now my eyes well up. my own joy at finding my sister is huge, and even if she was merely happy to meet me i would be thrilled. but look at this! she is just as excited and happy as i am! i am overjoyed. i have no words for how happy this makes me!then, i clicked over to her facebook profile and saw this status message:
Friday can't get here fast enough!! Get to spend the weekend with my sister I havnt ever gotten to meet! Holy crap!!!
Again, i was floored and touched! When Mandi was born, the six year old Mae was so excited that she was finally going to have a little sister who she could do everything with. we would be best friends and inseparable and life would be a fairy tale. This bubble was sharply popped when, a few months later i came to understand the terms of my being adopted- which of course was the best thing and i have no complaints-and was promised that if i wanted to find my sister and brother when i grew up i would have help from my mama. from then on, i hoped and wanted the relationship i;d dreamed of for Mandi and i, but it seemed like a longshot that i would ever even find her, and if i did would she want to know me? and the longest shot of all would be her wanting to be close to me and love me like i love her. but y'know, now i have all of it. i have fantastic relationships with Christina and Melissa, and this takes nothing at all from them, but there is a definite sense of completeness now.
i've put off all the packing and prep till now (2:45 Thursday afternoon) because i know myself and i know it will help ease the antsy this afternoon and evening to have something to do. expect a looooong blog post or series of posts on this weekend with tons of pictures. i cannot wait!
Friday, October 15, 2010
One week!
well, less,really, because this time next friday night i will be with my sister! it seems so surreal to think about after all this time, but it is actually happening. weare both beside ourselves with excitement.
here's a snippet of our convertation a little bit ago:
so, yeah, it;s gonna be a Squee fest! then, in another month, Scott and i are travelling to GA for Thanksgiving with Mandi's whole family (minus Adam and his wife, Ricki, who i am dying to meet!), and i cannot wait for that. i have missed Nana and Martie so much, and can;t wait to meet Morgan and Sean and all the other relatives i haven't met or seen in ages! be prepared for this blog to explode!
here's a snippet of our convertation a little bit ago:
hey babe
[Mandi Kelly]
6:19pm
hiii
[You]
6:19pm
i have your name on mah finger!
:-):-)
[Mandi Kelly]
6:20pm
ahhhhh!! i want my ring im so freakin excited
[You]
6:20pm
this time in a week we will be together!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Mandi Kelly]
6:20pm
ahhhhhh!!!
[You]
6:21pm
i know!!!
[Mandi Kelly]
6:22pm
i cant wait
[You]
6:22pm
i told Adam and he was like... "fun"
i was like boy i will hit you
[Mandi Kelly]
6:22pm
lol
we have to take like 400 pictures
[You]
6:23pm
YES
so, yeah, it;s gonna be a Squee fest! then, in another month, Scott and i are travelling to GA for Thanksgiving with Mandi's whole family (minus Adam and his wife, Ricki, who i am dying to meet!), and i cannot wait for that. i have missed Nana and Martie so much, and can;t wait to meet Morgan and Sean and all the other relatives i haven't met or seen in ages! be prepared for this blog to explode!
Back on the trail!
Scott LOVES backpacking. i love Scott, and i hadn't been up to taking a hiking trip in over 4 years, so when our plans to visit Mandi 3 weekends ago fell thru, we decided to take the opportunity to get out there. we planned a 2 night trip, starting with a trail i had done before, Mount Pleasant.
I look ready, Right?
and, we were off. the first hour of hiking went really smoothly, and i enjoyed pretty much every second. the second hour was a bit tougher, as the trail was pretty steep and didn't really let up for a mile or so. Scott was really patient, though, and finally we got to our campsite!
After we got our campsite set up, and i rested a little, we were ready to take on the Summit!
My facial expression in this pic says it all- we had hiked for probably 45 minutes to get to this point, and we had about another 5 min hike to get to one overlook, and anotehr 15 to get to the other....i was not so sure...
but, we made it! i was not interested in going to the edge, though, so scott took this shot of me from his perch- me safely behind some rocks.
and here is my mountaineer, right on the edge of the cliff!
And together! YAY!
We had a great evening out under the stars, with steak and mashed potatoes grilled over the fire, roasted marshmallows, and a cozy night in our tent. we woke up to lots of rain, and had a feeling that since we were going to be unable to have a fire with all the wet wood, we would have to cut our trip short.
we finished the trail, though, and it was really fun even with the rain! we plan on hitting the trail again early thanksgiving week!
I look ready, Right?
and, we were off. the first hour of hiking went really smoothly, and i enjoyed pretty much every second. the second hour was a bit tougher, as the trail was pretty steep and didn't really let up for a mile or so. Scott was really patient, though, and finally we got to our campsite!
After we got our campsite set up, and i rested a little, we were ready to take on the Summit!
My facial expression in this pic says it all- we had hiked for probably 45 minutes to get to this point, and we had about another 5 min hike to get to one overlook, and anotehr 15 to get to the other....i was not so sure...
but, we made it! i was not interested in going to the edge, though, so scott took this shot of me from his perch- me safely behind some rocks.
and here is my mountaineer, right on the edge of the cliff!
And together! YAY!
We had a great evening out under the stars, with steak and mashed potatoes grilled over the fire, roasted marshmallows, and a cozy night in our tent. we woke up to lots of rain, and had a feeling that since we were going to be unable to have a fire with all the wet wood, we would have to cut our trip short.
we finished the trail, though, and it was really fun even with the rain! we plan on hitting the trail again early thanksgiving week!
Let's Not Forget...
These are the siblings i grew up with. in all the excitement of reconnecting with long lost family, i want to make sure i don't forget the family that has been in my life for the past 22 years. other than my husband and my parents, these are the people i love most on this earth.
Christina is almost 20, a nanny, a model, works part time at a surf shop, and is going to school. So proud of all she juggles, and thrilled that now, i think in part because we are both grown women, we are truly becoming friends. gone are the days of sibling rivalry...i hope! I LOVE YOU BEANZIE!
Melissa is easily my best friend on earth after Scott.Musical, talented, and with a heart hungry to serve God, she blows me away. Since the day she was born she has been my baby and had my back and been my crying shoulder and encourager. We are 10 years apart in age, but she is wise and mature beyond her 18 years. She is the best.
Andrew is the best baby brother a girl could want. He adores me, respects me, and is always thrilled to see me, which jsut melts an old lady sister's heart. at 16 he is solidly a good 5-6 inches taller than i am, so it;s kinda cool to see my little baby brother dwarf me.
So, now you have met my Thompson sibs!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sister Rings
In one of our early conversations, Mandi mentioned that she would love for she and i to have sister rings. This was something i jumped at the opportunity to do, since i am very sentimental and also love jewelry with a lot of meaning behind it. a few weeks ago i got the cash together and ordered them, and today they came.
The stones are our birthstone~ Ruby- our birthdays are only 4 days apart! and Though each of us goes by a shortened version of our name, we chose to have our full first names engraved on either side of the ring. :-) I am looking forward to giving Mandi her ring in a week when we go to SC to see her for the first time EVER!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Family Found
I'm not entirely certain where to start! How about a little back story- or... as little as possible?(Warning, I'm omitting details, because they aren't relevant, not cuz i don't know them.) My Mother married my biological father, and after awhile, they had me. Eventually their marriage dissolved, and my bio-dad married M. he and M quickly gave me a baby brother named Adam. 14 months later, a baby sister named Amanda came along. A month after Amanda was born ( when i was just six), my mother married the man who was my Daddy- from that day forward, I've had no other. My Daddy adopted me when he married my mother, which required my bio dad to give up his parental rights, and therefore have no more contact with me. That was not a problem for me- and i never plan on seeking him out. The downside of this is that the last time i saw or had any contact with M or her kids- my half siblings, was right after Amanda was born. M did manage to contact my mother once, when i was about ten, and it was decided that it just wasn't a good time in my development to risk contact with bio dad by being in contact with his kids. I've always thought of them though- our entire lives, and planned to find them when i grew up. I have three siblings that i grew up with from my mother and Daddy's marriage, Christina, Melissa, and Andrew. Because all of my siblings are half siblings biologically, i consider them all full siblings- because i don't have anything to distinguish between- maybe that sounds silly, but to me, family is family- more on that later. When i turned 18, i started searching- carefully- for Adam and Amanda-and for about 10 years i found NOTHING. it made no sense to me really, but i never really gave up. when Social Networking started to become widespread i found a new hope. About a year ago i thought i found Amanda on Facebook- right name, right age... i was so excited- but, when she answered my query, i was sad to find out this was not my sister. When i fired up my google-fu for the thousandth or so time 2 weeks ago, i wasn't really expecting much. For the first time ever, though, i found a tiny glimmer of real hope- i found a link to a site with a teaser on a birth record for Adam! Well, i wasn't yet ready to pay for what i was sure i could find for free, but it did give me an idea- i had never searched with anything but their names and our bio dad's last name. first, i searched for M with her maiden last name, which i was amazed i remembered from when i was barely six years old! Bingo! Facebook hit! i started trembling, as i clicked to add my Step mom (who i knew had been long divorced from bio dad and was therefore safe) as a friend, and felt goosebumps and tummy quivers as i clicked to see what i could of her friends list. my heart began POUNDING out of my chest as i saw the names Adam and Mandi in that list. There. They. Were. WOW. The reason I'd never been able to find them was because they too had been adopted by a stepfather, and so I'd had no idea what names to search for. Now cam the really surreal part- messaging them to tell them who i am. Did they even know i existed? would they care? How does one even start the conversation? well, here is what i wrote to my sister:
My message to Adam was almost the same. now came the waiting. definitely the hardest part. We went to the cookout with our small group from church that night, and i was excited to share my news and nerves with everyone. about an hour into the night, i checked my email and saw a message from Facebook saying that Mandi had sent me a message. heart began pounding again. the message seemed to take HOURS to load.
At this point i just began sobbing. i wrote her back a short message, and my joy just overwhelmed me- now i could see pictures of my beautiful sister! Adam added me back soon after, and i thought i couldn't have any more joy in my heart until i was getting into bed and saw that i;d gotten another message from Mandi:
i grinned and replied
within seconds she asked
i didn't hesitate - typed "YES!!!!" and began dialing the number she'd sent. While the phone rang, i got a little nervous, but as soon as she answered, i said "Hey Little Sister..." and we were off. after 3 hours of talking about everything we could think of with barely a second to breathe, we realized we both needed sleep (it was 3:30AM) and promised to talk more the next day. Before heading to bed, i sent Adam a message to let him know i wasn't some crazy person and just wanted to have him in my life. he responded "right on." That was good enough for me for the moment.
i woke the next morning to a message from M- extremely happy to have found me, and eager to welcome me back into her life and family. i soon reconnected with her mother (Nana), brother, and amazingly- my aunt-bio dad's sister who i had a special bond with even tho it's been 24 years since I've seen her. i have found and been found and am so excited to have rediscovered my family. Mandi and i have been in constant contact and are going to be together in person very soon! watch this blog for more news and pictures!
This is gonna Sound crazy, but, i am your sister. NOT SPAM!
Mandi, Hi! we have the same biological father and i've been looking for you for so long! the last time i saw you was the day you were born. please add me so we can get in touch! ♥
My message to Adam was almost the same. now came the waiting. definitely the hardest part. We went to the cookout with our small group from church that night, and i was excited to share my news and nerves with everyone. about an hour into the night, i checked my email and saw a message from Facebook saying that Mandi had sent me a message. heart began pounding again. the message seemed to take HOURS to load.
"Omg...I've always wanted to meet u..."
At this point i just began sobbing. i wrote her back a short message, and my joy just overwhelmed me- now i could see pictures of my beautiful sister! Adam added me back soon after, and i thought i couldn't have any more joy in my heart until i was getting into bed and saw that i;d gotten another message from Mandi:
"Well are u still awake? "
i grinned and replied
"Definitely too happy to sleep! :-) "
within seconds she asked
"U WANNA CALL ME?"
i didn't hesitate - typed "YES!!!!" and began dialing the number she'd sent. While the phone rang, i got a little nervous, but as soon as she answered, i said "Hey Little Sister..." and we were off. after 3 hours of talking about everything we could think of with barely a second to breathe, we realized we both needed sleep (it was 3:30AM) and promised to talk more the next day. Before heading to bed, i sent Adam a message to let him know i wasn't some crazy person and just wanted to have him in my life. he responded "right on." That was good enough for me for the moment.
i woke the next morning to a message from M- extremely happy to have found me, and eager to welcome me back into her life and family. i soon reconnected with her mother (Nana), brother, and amazingly- my aunt-bio dad's sister who i had a special bond with even tho it's been 24 years since I've seen her. i have found and been found and am so excited to have rediscovered my family. Mandi and i have been in constant contact and are going to be together in person very soon! watch this blog for more news and pictures!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Welcome!
Welcome, everyone to my new blog to chronicle my new journey into , well, everything! I havebegin so many new things recently that ireally wanted to start sharing my excitement and the things i am learning about technology, business, etc, and also to share my experiences as i make new friends and stuff in different areas of interest to me!
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