Ok, so people ask me and tease me all the time about liking Twilight. i always respond that my reasons for liking the series are not the typical. Finally, i'm going to attempt to explain myself. first, let me share some conclusions i've come to about why most Twilight fans are fans.
In my mind there are 2 categories: 1: the preteen/teenage fan (and a few women my age that share this reasoning too) who loves the fairy tale and dreams of this flawless, perfect, and for most, unattainable love that comes so young for Bella. They hope that the fantasy can come true for them.Pluss there are pretty boys to look at. 2: the Twi-moms-( if you are one, please don't be offended by my generalization- this is just what i have observed) who love it because they are at a point in their lives where reality is very very real and in many cases, far from a fairy tale romantically. for them, Twilight is an escape back into the fantasy of love they dreamed of when they were young. Plus, there are pretty boys to look at.
I believe that in many cases entertainment is what we bring to it. i'll get into what i bring to it in a minute, but first, let me illustrate what i mean- and you can sontrast the following view with my own. i have a friend who has some major issues with wilight because of her own life experience and relational past. she was in an abusive controlling relationship, so the actions that i see in Edward as protective and caring, if slightly paranoid at times, she sees as darker- manipulative and controlling. she has been treated this way by someone who was just awful to her, so that's what she gets out of it and i understand that. but it's her opinion, just like the following is mine, based on my relational experience.
Ok, so i tell people i like Twilight because it bears many many similarities to my own story of young love and marriage. they often respond with an eyeroll and one of 2 questions: "oh, so Scott is a Vampire?" or "Oh, does Scott Sparkle?" and i get exasperated. no, he is not a Vampire, he does not sparkle, no my guy best friend when i was young was not a werewolf, my life has never been in danger from other people like scott... yadda yadda. but here are some notes i took off the top of my head this morning to illustrate what i mean:
Twilight
-physical similarity to Bella
-age similarity
-clumsy
-new girl in town
-not great relationship when we first met-but strangely drawn to him-roller coaster friendship phase- never sure he even liked me much till ge told me he loved me.
-he is frustrated by my clumsiness
-my dad is like Charlie-not super expressive but protective and loves me to bits- was never entirely sure of what to make of us
-his family larger and very different from mine, but very accepting, loving, embracing-I fit right in.
-he is a musician.wrote me a song on piano
-met a guy around the same time who I became close friends with-who was also a possible romantic interest who "made sense" for me, but I just didn't feel as strongly about him.
-Bella and I love the same books-particularly Austen.
-Scott and my physical relationship very similar-intense but chaste and abstinent
-he's always made me feel I'm the only woman he notices.
-I've never understood why he loves me-he feels so above me, and it boggles my mind he'd want me. In the beginning this made me constantly think he'd get tired of me, or wake up and realize he was too good for me.
-Debussy-particularly Clair de lune.
-he likes hiking. I'm far too clumsy.
-we went to prom together.
New moon-
-it was Scott's family that threw my 18th Bday party.
- Scott broke up with me at one point "for my own Good" I was a disaster the entire time we were broken up. Just as bad as Bella. Truly. During this time, my best guy friend was my rock- I knew he had feelings for me, but I only wanted Scott back. Fortunately, unlike Jacob, my friend respected this. When Scott and I got back together it was even better than before.
Eclipse:
-Scott and I got engaged at 18
-I am, like Bella, the more physically aggressive one.
Breaking Dawn
-got married very young, against all the odds and people questioning whether it was too soon.
-wedding night chapter very similar to our wedding night-esp with Bella feeling totally lost as to how things would go. Literally had the same thoughts as her.
-being married was immediately right and natural.
This is by no means a complete list, and if i read the books through and took notes i'm certain i could come up with a few hundred more, including quotes and moments, but these examples serve to illustrate the reason i love twilight. for me it reminds me that sometimes fairy tales do happen, and while my relationship isn't perfect (really, neither was Edward and Bella's- they fought often!) i'm incredibly happy in it and i love remembering where we came from. so there. :-)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
i am a C- i am a C-H...
okay, so many of you know over the past few years i've been through some things. and stuff. some of it happened to me, some of it i made happen with selfish choices. that's not what i'm blogging about though. i'm here to share a thought process that has really had me tied up awhile.
a few months ago, a close friend (who is not a christian but has a church backround) told me that she struggled during my darker days with me openly claiming to be a Christian- assumedly because of some of the ways i was living my life- this really took me aback, because though internally i was a mess, publically i was still living a "pretty clean" life- one that i certainly didn't expect a non christian to be offended by. Furthermore, my faith never ceased to be very important to me- EVER- even at my worst, most sinful and selfish times. i was not walking the way i talked consistently, and i was definitely living more to please myself than to please God, but my faith and belief in Jesus was never for a moment voided.
So i started thinking. the break here was between my friend's definition of what it means to call oneself a Christian and mine.
i'm not prepared enough to quote chapter and verse on the biblical definition of a Christian right now and i don't think that's the spirit of this internal discussion. i know i'm a Christian based on that- but what the world sees and what makes me live for Christ is more than that "dictionary definition.
What a lot of the churched and unchurched world defines christianity by is a long list of rules. of do's and don'ts, and "things we don't do" in the name of following Jesus. that is SO not what it's about. i'm not gonna get into a discussion of legalism here because that is its own blog post, but let me say this. Jesus cares so much more about what's in our hearts than the motions we go through to prove we are His.
In my heart, the definition of being a Christian is this: I believe Jesus is the Son of God. i believe he died and rose again for my sins. i am so thankful for this sacrifice that i seek with my life to honor Him, glorify Him, and love like He loves. does it mean i am successful at this all the time? NO. does it mean i don't fall and fall HARD into doing things my own way at times? NO! what it means is that i am a wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked sinner who has been saved by grace and daily must die to self to live for Christ. no matter how selfish and sinful i am at times, that fact does not change. i would never claim to be better than anyone else- i'm not. i fall hard sometimes. Truth is, i'm held to a higher standard because as my mom would say, i've all the powers of heaven and earth at my disposal and i still sin. sigh.
an example of what i'm talking about is a recording i heard of an old drunk man singing "Jesus' blood never failed me yet" this guy is speaking the truth he knows in his heart and that he believes- but he's wasted. his drunkenness doesnt change what he believes or that he believes it- he;s jsut not being a consistent witness for Christ in this state- and i beleive that is really what my friend was talking about- i was hurting my witness through some of my actions.
The upside here- what can help my witness- and yours too if you're a Christ follower who sins like i do- is humility. i feel like the fact that God picks me up when i fall down and makes something beautiful out of my muck brings Him more glory and makes the gospel more accessible- being a christian doesnt mean you're perfect- it means you're loved anyway and can climb out of the messes you make.
this song has come to mean a lot to me and i think it describes the Christian walk beautifully:
a few months ago, a close friend (who is not a christian but has a church backround) told me that she struggled during my darker days with me openly claiming to be a Christian- assumedly because of some of the ways i was living my life- this really took me aback, because though internally i was a mess, publically i was still living a "pretty clean" life- one that i certainly didn't expect a non christian to be offended by. Furthermore, my faith never ceased to be very important to me- EVER- even at my worst, most sinful and selfish times. i was not walking the way i talked consistently, and i was definitely living more to please myself than to please God, but my faith and belief in Jesus was never for a moment voided.
So i started thinking. the break here was between my friend's definition of what it means to call oneself a Christian and mine.
i'm not prepared enough to quote chapter and verse on the biblical definition of a Christian right now and i don't think that's the spirit of this internal discussion. i know i'm a Christian based on that- but what the world sees and what makes me live for Christ is more than that "dictionary definition.
What a lot of the churched and unchurched world defines christianity by is a long list of rules. of do's and don'ts, and "things we don't do" in the name of following Jesus. that is SO not what it's about. i'm not gonna get into a discussion of legalism here because that is its own blog post, but let me say this. Jesus cares so much more about what's in our hearts than the motions we go through to prove we are His.
In my heart, the definition of being a Christian is this: I believe Jesus is the Son of God. i believe he died and rose again for my sins. i am so thankful for this sacrifice that i seek with my life to honor Him, glorify Him, and love like He loves. does it mean i am successful at this all the time? NO. does it mean i don't fall and fall HARD into doing things my own way at times? NO! what it means is that i am a wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked sinner who has been saved by grace and daily must die to self to live for Christ. no matter how selfish and sinful i am at times, that fact does not change. i would never claim to be better than anyone else- i'm not. i fall hard sometimes. Truth is, i'm held to a higher standard because as my mom would say, i've all the powers of heaven and earth at my disposal and i still sin. sigh.
an example of what i'm talking about is a recording i heard of an old drunk man singing "Jesus' blood never failed me yet" this guy is speaking the truth he knows in his heart and that he believes- but he's wasted. his drunkenness doesnt change what he believes or that he believes it- he;s jsut not being a consistent witness for Christ in this state- and i beleive that is really what my friend was talking about- i was hurting my witness through some of my actions.
The upside here- what can help my witness- and yours too if you're a Christ follower who sins like i do- is humility. i feel like the fact that God picks me up when i fall down and makes something beautiful out of my muck brings Him more glory and makes the gospel more accessible- being a christian doesnt mean you're perfect- it means you're loved anyway and can climb out of the messes you make.
this song has come to mean a lot to me and i think it describes the Christian walk beautifully:
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