Thursday, March 24, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Best of Winter Jam pics
Okay, so these are my favorite out of the 100 or so pics i took last night- if you wanna see the rest of the top tier, head on over to my Flickr page.
Myself and Jason Castro- you might know him from American Idol. incredibly talented and incredibly sweet and doing great things for the Kingdom. :-)
Me outside the arena, waiting to get in- this is the first pic where i can see my weight loss!
Duncan Phillips workin the crowd like only he can. SO much energy and joy in that guy!
Dove award nominated Chris August came out to mingle with us while we were in line!
Duncan and I- Squizz gives the best hugs- not those limp half hugs but full warm bear hugs that let you know he loves you for real!
Newsboys Show #1
Newsboys Show #2
Newsboys Show #3!Newsboys Show #4Winter Jam 2011
WOW. amazing day yesterday. it started with a fantastic fifth anniversary celebration service at church, and continues with Winter Jam 2011, which was, without exaggeration one of the best experiences of my life- even better than last year, which i thought would be hard to beat. :-)
Let me start by explaining something to the few of you reading this who may not know. Newsboys is my favorite band, but saying that doesn't go far enough. i was about 10 the first time i heard their music, and 12 when i REALLY started listening to them. i also accepted Christ that same summer, and i don't think it's really any coincidence that from that point on they have been the single greatest influence and source of encouragement for my faith walk. I've known and love lots of great Christ followers in the past 16 years, but consistently this band and its music has been SO integral to my growth and strength. their albums have come out in perfect timing, providing a lyrical match for what is going on in my life in ways that blow my mind. i've seen them in concert over a dozen times, and every time it renews me. there have been lineup changes, but the message and the music has never ceased to grab me at my core. in addition to the music, these men have shown themselves to be the real deal in countless ways. who they are as men of God is something that has made me feel a bond with them that kinda surpasses fandom. Oh, i'm a huge fan, but it;s more than that. it sounds silly maybe, but i love and pray for these guys like they are family- because, in christ, they are- and i know God is using them in so many lives.
Last year i got to meet newsboys for the first time as an adult, and HO BOY was i giddy (imagine meeting your personal hero and your favorite celebrity of all time- now imagine they are one person- that;s waht this was for me). it was still a great experience though and all 4 guys were very patient and Jody and Duncan in particular were super sweet to me. This year, i was determined not to act a fool and jsut enjoy whatever moments i got to talk to these men.
So, that all established, let's rewind to when we got to Va Beach....
We arrived at my parents' house to pick up my sister Melissa, her boyfriend Jeff, and BFF Abby, almost exactly when we hoped to, and were out the door very quickly and efficiently. WIN! When we got downtown, Scott dropped us all off to go get in line, while he parked. there were no real lines yet, so we just plopped down as close to the barriers where the lines *would* be as we could. it was only about 2:30 when we got there, so we had a solid 2 hour wait till the doors would open. This was the first time Scott and i had met Jeff, and we both took an instant liking to him, and i have to say, seeing my beloved and precious sister so happy just filled me with joy. Plus, the kid was incredibly patient with my hyperactive newsboys prattle. :-)
Sidewalk Prophets and Chris August came out around 4 to mingle with the fans, and i i met the former and got pics with the latter. at 4:30, they let us in, and we grabbed seats that turned out to give us an absolutely perfect view of everything. WIN!
The show started at 5, with Jason Castro, of American Idol fame. his set was shot and sweet, and i enjoyed it. i love this guy on Idol, and i was so excited to see him in this setting. immediately after Jason finished, they called for the youth ministry folks to come to the meeting. this was my chance to give Duncan the hat i had crocheted him as a birthday gift, and i was really excited. at the beginning of the meeting, Tony Nolan spoke, then Jason Castro came in and thanked us for what we do, and was jsut a really sweet guy. when he finished, he sweetly took a picture with me and gave me a hug. :-) Next was Jon Micah from Kutless, who seemed SO accessible and again thankful for what we do. hearing that from these artists, means a lot. i got a pic with him too. David Crowder came in and shared similar stuff and again i was humbled- i am soooo thankful for these guys and their ministries, and it is so cool to hear that they are thankful for me too! Then...
Duncan slipped in the door i was (convieniently) standing by- All sunglasses, smiles, and joyful energy. i touched him on the arm and whispered "Duncan!" he turned, threw his arms around me and whisper shouted! "Hey Mae!!! How ARE you, Sweetheart? SOOOOOO good to SEE you!!! Look at YOU!" i told him my shirt had come just in time and he was thrilled, and then i gave him the hat. HE LOVED IT! He laughed at the mohawk, was touched that i;d made it for him, and hugged me another 3-4 times before jumping on the lil stage to talk to the group. i video'd his hilarious and charismatic speeh- then he got off stage, posed for pics with me, "Oh yes! we Have to do this!" after seeing the pic "OH! THAT is MONEY! Look at us!!!" Hugged me super close again, and was off! It was probably less than 2 minutes of contact with him but that man showed me so much love in that time- and THAT is why i love him and his band. i listnened, swathed in a pink glow of contentment and excitement to the rest of the meeting, and then fushed back to my seat to enjoy the concert. i had missed part of Red, which was a bummer, but when i told Scott how it had gone with Duncan, he hugged me tight cuz he knew how much it all meant.
Red was great. KJ 52 was the emcee for the night, and all his interludes were fantastic. I think newsong was up next, and tough they are not my favorite, i think they put on an very enrgetic show. Tony Nolan spoke, and then Francesca Battisteli took her turn. i REALLY enjoyed her. Next was David Crowder Band. i think this tied with the next act for my second favorite of the night. there was an talk about sponsoring children, then an intermission. After intermission was Kutless. this set, like Crowder's was absolutely perfect. Just wonderful. then- FINALLY it was time for my Newsboys.
This set was everything i'd hoped and waited for. they sang almost all songs from the new album, and their entrance was to die for. These guys have always been known for their stage shows, and the current one has kicked it up soooo many notches! i'll probably be posting video in the coming days, but here is a teaser- straight from the lips of Duncan: "at one point, the whole band will be flying around the arena!"
The MOMENT they left the stage, i booked it over to get in line for autographs. i was fairly close to the beginning of the line, which was good, cuz we had to get some rest before an early start to get home today. When i got up to the table, i saw Jeff Frankenstein (yup, real name) yawning. i realized yet again how worn out these guys must get on the road. i said "aww, Jeff, you look, so tired!" he said "really? thanks...i guess i am a little tired..." (i hope i didn't irritate him, i was jsut tryin to be sympathetic...) then i moved on to Duncan, who, when he saw me said "Awww.... here coumes Trouble!!!", Grabbed my hand in both his, said "How was it, Darling?", to which i responded "AMAZING- as ALWAYS!" and he grinned at me and said "Good, thank you SO much for coming out, and have a GREAT night, okay?" before moving on to the girls behind me. Now- came something else i was excited for- i had brought Jody Davis' solo album with me, and i was thrilled to put it in front of the soft spoken and incredibly kind guitarrist. he was really happy to see it, and elbowed Michael Tait next to him to show him. Michael kinda teased him a little, and i reminded them that a similar moment had played out last year when i mentioned having the album. Michael muttered something about "shoulda brought my album too!" what i didnt notice, was that as i was chatting with Jody, michael SIGNED the album- when i looked down to pick up both CDs, i said "Michael Tait! you signed Jody's CD!!!!" to which he responded with a shrug "I dont mind!" Jody turned his head and gaped at him. i didnt wanna be a hog, so i said "i love you guys, thanks SO much! goodnight!" to which they all responded "Night!" Yeah... i love my Newsboys... and i'm thinking next time i'll take Michael's solo album for him to sign- and get Jody to sign that too. jsut to make it fair. ;-)we got to hang out with my mom a little while when we got back, wich was good. amazingly i was able to sleep after all that somehow, and we woke early to get home at 8:30 this morning.
Pictures will be posted SOON!
Let me start by explaining something to the few of you reading this who may not know. Newsboys is my favorite band, but saying that doesn't go far enough. i was about 10 the first time i heard their music, and 12 when i REALLY started listening to them. i also accepted Christ that same summer, and i don't think it's really any coincidence that from that point on they have been the single greatest influence and source of encouragement for my faith walk. I've known and love lots of great Christ followers in the past 16 years, but consistently this band and its music has been SO integral to my growth and strength. their albums have come out in perfect timing, providing a lyrical match for what is going on in my life in ways that blow my mind. i've seen them in concert over a dozen times, and every time it renews me. there have been lineup changes, but the message and the music has never ceased to grab me at my core. in addition to the music, these men have shown themselves to be the real deal in countless ways. who they are as men of God is something that has made me feel a bond with them that kinda surpasses fandom. Oh, i'm a huge fan, but it;s more than that. it sounds silly maybe, but i love and pray for these guys like they are family- because, in christ, they are- and i know God is using them in so many lives.
Last year i got to meet newsboys for the first time as an adult, and HO BOY was i giddy (imagine meeting your personal hero and your favorite celebrity of all time- now imagine they are one person- that;s waht this was for me). it was still a great experience though and all 4 guys were very patient and Jody and Duncan in particular were super sweet to me. This year, i was determined not to act a fool and jsut enjoy whatever moments i got to talk to these men.
So, that all established, let's rewind to when we got to Va Beach....
We arrived at my parents' house to pick up my sister Melissa, her boyfriend Jeff, and BFF Abby, almost exactly when we hoped to, and were out the door very quickly and efficiently. WIN! When we got downtown, Scott dropped us all off to go get in line, while he parked. there were no real lines yet, so we just plopped down as close to the barriers where the lines *would* be as we could. it was only about 2:30 when we got there, so we had a solid 2 hour wait till the doors would open. This was the first time Scott and i had met Jeff, and we both took an instant liking to him, and i have to say, seeing my beloved and precious sister so happy just filled me with joy. Plus, the kid was incredibly patient with my hyperactive newsboys prattle. :-)
Sidewalk Prophets and Chris August came out around 4 to mingle with the fans, and i i met the former and got pics with the latter. at 4:30, they let us in, and we grabbed seats that turned out to give us an absolutely perfect view of everything. WIN!
The show started at 5, with Jason Castro, of American Idol fame. his set was shot and sweet, and i enjoyed it. i love this guy on Idol, and i was so excited to see him in this setting. immediately after Jason finished, they called for the youth ministry folks to come to the meeting. this was my chance to give Duncan the hat i had crocheted him as a birthday gift, and i was really excited. at the beginning of the meeting, Tony Nolan spoke, then Jason Castro came in and thanked us for what we do, and was jsut a really sweet guy. when he finished, he sweetly took a picture with me and gave me a hug. :-) Next was Jon Micah from Kutless, who seemed SO accessible and again thankful for what we do. hearing that from these artists, means a lot. i got a pic with him too. David Crowder came in and shared similar stuff and again i was humbled- i am soooo thankful for these guys and their ministries, and it is so cool to hear that they are thankful for me too! Then...
Duncan slipped in the door i was (convieniently) standing by- All sunglasses, smiles, and joyful energy. i touched him on the arm and whispered "Duncan!" he turned, threw his arms around me and whisper shouted! "Hey Mae!!! How ARE you, Sweetheart? SOOOOOO good to SEE you!!! Look at YOU!" i told him my shirt had come just in time and he was thrilled, and then i gave him the hat. HE LOVED IT! He laughed at the mohawk, was touched that i;d made it for him, and hugged me another 3-4 times before jumping on the lil stage to talk to the group. i video'd his hilarious and charismatic speeh- then he got off stage, posed for pics with me, "Oh yes! we Have to do this!" after seeing the pic "OH! THAT is MONEY! Look at us!!!" Hugged me super close again, and was off! It was probably less than 2 minutes of contact with him but that man showed me so much love in that time- and THAT is why i love him and his band. i listnened, swathed in a pink glow of contentment and excitement to the rest of the meeting, and then fushed back to my seat to enjoy the concert. i had missed part of Red, which was a bummer, but when i told Scott how it had gone with Duncan, he hugged me tight cuz he knew how much it all meant.
Red was great. KJ 52 was the emcee for the night, and all his interludes were fantastic. I think newsong was up next, and tough they are not my favorite, i think they put on an very enrgetic show. Tony Nolan spoke, and then Francesca Battisteli took her turn. i REALLY enjoyed her. Next was David Crowder Band. i think this tied with the next act for my second favorite of the night. there was an talk about sponsoring children, then an intermission. After intermission was Kutless. this set, like Crowder's was absolutely perfect. Just wonderful. then- FINALLY it was time for my Newsboys.
This set was everything i'd hoped and waited for. they sang almost all songs from the new album, and their entrance was to die for. These guys have always been known for their stage shows, and the current one has kicked it up soooo many notches! i'll probably be posting video in the coming days, but here is a teaser- straight from the lips of Duncan: "at one point, the whole band will be flying around the arena!"
The MOMENT they left the stage, i booked it over to get in line for autographs. i was fairly close to the beginning of the line, which was good, cuz we had to get some rest before an early start to get home today. When i got up to the table, i saw Jeff Frankenstein (yup, real name) yawning. i realized yet again how worn out these guys must get on the road. i said "aww, Jeff, you look, so tired!" he said "really? thanks...i guess i am a little tired..." (i hope i didn't irritate him, i was jsut tryin to be sympathetic...) then i moved on to Duncan, who, when he saw me said "Awww.... here coumes Trouble!!!", Grabbed my hand in both his, said "How was it, Darling?", to which i responded "AMAZING- as ALWAYS!" and he grinned at me and said "Good, thank you SO much for coming out, and have a GREAT night, okay?" before moving on to the girls behind me. Now- came something else i was excited for- i had brought Jody Davis' solo album with me, and i was thrilled to put it in front of the soft spoken and incredibly kind guitarrist. he was really happy to see it, and elbowed Michael Tait next to him to show him. Michael kinda teased him a little, and i reminded them that a similar moment had played out last year when i mentioned having the album. Michael muttered something about "shoulda brought my album too!" what i didnt notice, was that as i was chatting with Jody, michael SIGNED the album- when i looked down to pick up both CDs, i said "Michael Tait! you signed Jody's CD!!!!" to which he responded with a shrug "I dont mind!" Jody turned his head and gaped at him. i didnt wanna be a hog, so i said "i love you guys, thanks SO much! goodnight!" to which they all responded "Night!" Yeah... i love my Newsboys... and i'm thinking next time i'll take Michael's solo album for him to sign- and get Jody to sign that too. jsut to make it fair. ;-)we got to hang out with my mom a little while when we got back, wich was good. amazingly i was able to sleep after all that somehow, and we woke early to get home at 8:30 this morning.
Pictures will be posted SOON!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Why I am a Twi-hard
Ok, so people ask me and tease me all the time about liking Twilight. i always respond that my reasons for liking the series are not the typical. Finally, i'm going to attempt to explain myself. first, let me share some conclusions i've come to about why most Twilight fans are fans.
In my mind there are 2 categories: 1: the preteen/teenage fan (and a few women my age that share this reasoning too) who loves the fairy tale and dreams of this flawless, perfect, and for most, unattainable love that comes so young for Bella. They hope that the fantasy can come true for them.Pluss there are pretty boys to look at. 2: the Twi-moms-( if you are one, please don't be offended by my generalization- this is just what i have observed) who love it because they are at a point in their lives where reality is very very real and in many cases, far from a fairy tale romantically. for them, Twilight is an escape back into the fantasy of love they dreamed of when they were young. Plus, there are pretty boys to look at.
I believe that in many cases entertainment is what we bring to it. i'll get into what i bring to it in a minute, but first, let me illustrate what i mean- and you can sontrast the following view with my own. i have a friend who has some major issues with wilight because of her own life experience and relational past. she was in an abusive controlling relationship, so the actions that i see in Edward as protective and caring, if slightly paranoid at times, she sees as darker- manipulative and controlling. she has been treated this way by someone who was just awful to her, so that's what she gets out of it and i understand that. but it's her opinion, just like the following is mine, based on my relational experience.
Ok, so i tell people i like Twilight because it bears many many similarities to my own story of young love and marriage. they often respond with an eyeroll and one of 2 questions: "oh, so Scott is a Vampire?" or "Oh, does Scott Sparkle?" and i get exasperated. no, he is not a Vampire, he does not sparkle, no my guy best friend when i was young was not a werewolf, my life has never been in danger from other people like scott... yadda yadda. but here are some notes i took off the top of my head this morning to illustrate what i mean:
Twilight
-physical similarity to Bella
-age similarity
-clumsy
-new girl in town
-not great relationship when we first met-but strangely drawn to him-roller coaster friendship phase- never sure he even liked me much till ge told me he loved me.
-he is frustrated by my clumsiness
-my dad is like Charlie-not super expressive but protective and loves me to bits- was never entirely sure of what to make of us
-his family larger and very different from mine, but very accepting, loving, embracing-I fit right in.
-he is a musician.wrote me a song on piano
-met a guy around the same time who I became close friends with-who was also a possible romantic interest who "made sense" for me, but I just didn't feel as strongly about him.
-Bella and I love the same books-particularly Austen.
-Scott and my physical relationship very similar-intense but chaste and abstinent
-he's always made me feel I'm the only woman he notices.
-I've never understood why he loves me-he feels so above me, and it boggles my mind he'd want me. In the beginning this made me constantly think he'd get tired of me, or wake up and realize he was too good for me.
-Debussy-particularly Clair de lune.
-he likes hiking. I'm far too clumsy.
-we went to prom together.
New moon-
-it was Scott's family that threw my 18th Bday party.
- Scott broke up with me at one point "for my own Good" I was a disaster the entire time we were broken up. Just as bad as Bella. Truly. During this time, my best guy friend was my rock- I knew he had feelings for me, but I only wanted Scott back. Fortunately, unlike Jacob, my friend respected this. When Scott and I got back together it was even better than before.
Eclipse:
-Scott and I got engaged at 18
-I am, like Bella, the more physically aggressive one.
Breaking Dawn
-got married very young, against all the odds and people questioning whether it was too soon.
-wedding night chapter very similar to our wedding night-esp with Bella feeling totally lost as to how things would go. Literally had the same thoughts as her.
-being married was immediately right and natural.
This is by no means a complete list, and if i read the books through and took notes i'm certain i could come up with a few hundred more, including quotes and moments, but these examples serve to illustrate the reason i love twilight. for me it reminds me that sometimes fairy tales do happen, and while my relationship isn't perfect (really, neither was Edward and Bella's- they fought often!) i'm incredibly happy in it and i love remembering where we came from. so there. :-)
In my mind there are 2 categories: 1: the preteen/teenage fan (and a few women my age that share this reasoning too) who loves the fairy tale and dreams of this flawless, perfect, and for most, unattainable love that comes so young for Bella. They hope that the fantasy can come true for them.Pluss there are pretty boys to look at. 2: the Twi-moms-( if you are one, please don't be offended by my generalization- this is just what i have observed) who love it because they are at a point in their lives where reality is very very real and in many cases, far from a fairy tale romantically. for them, Twilight is an escape back into the fantasy of love they dreamed of when they were young. Plus, there are pretty boys to look at.
I believe that in many cases entertainment is what we bring to it. i'll get into what i bring to it in a minute, but first, let me illustrate what i mean- and you can sontrast the following view with my own. i have a friend who has some major issues with wilight because of her own life experience and relational past. she was in an abusive controlling relationship, so the actions that i see in Edward as protective and caring, if slightly paranoid at times, she sees as darker- manipulative and controlling. she has been treated this way by someone who was just awful to her, so that's what she gets out of it and i understand that. but it's her opinion, just like the following is mine, based on my relational experience.
Ok, so i tell people i like Twilight because it bears many many similarities to my own story of young love and marriage. they often respond with an eyeroll and one of 2 questions: "oh, so Scott is a Vampire?" or "Oh, does Scott Sparkle?" and i get exasperated. no, he is not a Vampire, he does not sparkle, no my guy best friend when i was young was not a werewolf, my life has never been in danger from other people like scott... yadda yadda. but here are some notes i took off the top of my head this morning to illustrate what i mean:
Twilight
-physical similarity to Bella
-age similarity
-clumsy
-new girl in town
-not great relationship when we first met-but strangely drawn to him-roller coaster friendship phase- never sure he even liked me much till ge told me he loved me.
-he is frustrated by my clumsiness
-my dad is like Charlie-not super expressive but protective and loves me to bits- was never entirely sure of what to make of us
-his family larger and very different from mine, but very accepting, loving, embracing-I fit right in.
-he is a musician.wrote me a song on piano
-met a guy around the same time who I became close friends with-who was also a possible romantic interest who "made sense" for me, but I just didn't feel as strongly about him.
-Bella and I love the same books-particularly Austen.
-Scott and my physical relationship very similar-intense but chaste and abstinent
-he's always made me feel I'm the only woman he notices.
-I've never understood why he loves me-he feels so above me, and it boggles my mind he'd want me. In the beginning this made me constantly think he'd get tired of me, or wake up and realize he was too good for me.
-Debussy-particularly Clair de lune.
-he likes hiking. I'm far too clumsy.
-we went to prom together.
New moon-
-it was Scott's family that threw my 18th Bday party.
- Scott broke up with me at one point "for my own Good" I was a disaster the entire time we were broken up. Just as bad as Bella. Truly. During this time, my best guy friend was my rock- I knew he had feelings for me, but I only wanted Scott back. Fortunately, unlike Jacob, my friend respected this. When Scott and I got back together it was even better than before.
Eclipse:
-Scott and I got engaged at 18
-I am, like Bella, the more physically aggressive one.
Breaking Dawn
-got married very young, against all the odds and people questioning whether it was too soon.
-wedding night chapter very similar to our wedding night-esp with Bella feeling totally lost as to how things would go. Literally had the same thoughts as her.
-being married was immediately right and natural.
This is by no means a complete list, and if i read the books through and took notes i'm certain i could come up with a few hundred more, including quotes and moments, but these examples serve to illustrate the reason i love twilight. for me it reminds me that sometimes fairy tales do happen, and while my relationship isn't perfect (really, neither was Edward and Bella's- they fought often!) i'm incredibly happy in it and i love remembering where we came from. so there. :-)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
i am a C- i am a C-H...
okay, so many of you know over the past few years i've been through some things. and stuff. some of it happened to me, some of it i made happen with selfish choices. that's not what i'm blogging about though. i'm here to share a thought process that has really had me tied up awhile.
a few months ago, a close friend (who is not a christian but has a church backround) told me that she struggled during my darker days with me openly claiming to be a Christian- assumedly because of some of the ways i was living my life- this really took me aback, because though internally i was a mess, publically i was still living a "pretty clean" life- one that i certainly didn't expect a non christian to be offended by. Furthermore, my faith never ceased to be very important to me- EVER- even at my worst, most sinful and selfish times. i was not walking the way i talked consistently, and i was definitely living more to please myself than to please God, but my faith and belief in Jesus was never for a moment voided.
So i started thinking. the break here was between my friend's definition of what it means to call oneself a Christian and mine.
i'm not prepared enough to quote chapter and verse on the biblical definition of a Christian right now and i don't think that's the spirit of this internal discussion. i know i'm a Christian based on that- but what the world sees and what makes me live for Christ is more than that "dictionary definition.
What a lot of the churched and unchurched world defines christianity by is a long list of rules. of do's and don'ts, and "things we don't do" in the name of following Jesus. that is SO not what it's about. i'm not gonna get into a discussion of legalism here because that is its own blog post, but let me say this. Jesus cares so much more about what's in our hearts than the motions we go through to prove we are His.
In my heart, the definition of being a Christian is this: I believe Jesus is the Son of God. i believe he died and rose again for my sins. i am so thankful for this sacrifice that i seek with my life to honor Him, glorify Him, and love like He loves. does it mean i am successful at this all the time? NO. does it mean i don't fall and fall HARD into doing things my own way at times? NO! what it means is that i am a wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked sinner who has been saved by grace and daily must die to self to live for Christ. no matter how selfish and sinful i am at times, that fact does not change. i would never claim to be better than anyone else- i'm not. i fall hard sometimes. Truth is, i'm held to a higher standard because as my mom would say, i've all the powers of heaven and earth at my disposal and i still sin. sigh.
an example of what i'm talking about is a recording i heard of an old drunk man singing "Jesus' blood never failed me yet" this guy is speaking the truth he knows in his heart and that he believes- but he's wasted. his drunkenness doesnt change what he believes or that he believes it- he;s jsut not being a consistent witness for Christ in this state- and i beleive that is really what my friend was talking about- i was hurting my witness through some of my actions.
The upside here- what can help my witness- and yours too if you're a Christ follower who sins like i do- is humility. i feel like the fact that God picks me up when i fall down and makes something beautiful out of my muck brings Him more glory and makes the gospel more accessible- being a christian doesnt mean you're perfect- it means you're loved anyway and can climb out of the messes you make.
this song has come to mean a lot to me and i think it describes the Christian walk beautifully:
a few months ago, a close friend (who is not a christian but has a church backround) told me that she struggled during my darker days with me openly claiming to be a Christian- assumedly because of some of the ways i was living my life- this really took me aback, because though internally i was a mess, publically i was still living a "pretty clean" life- one that i certainly didn't expect a non christian to be offended by. Furthermore, my faith never ceased to be very important to me- EVER- even at my worst, most sinful and selfish times. i was not walking the way i talked consistently, and i was definitely living more to please myself than to please God, but my faith and belief in Jesus was never for a moment voided.
So i started thinking. the break here was between my friend's definition of what it means to call oneself a Christian and mine.
i'm not prepared enough to quote chapter and verse on the biblical definition of a Christian right now and i don't think that's the spirit of this internal discussion. i know i'm a Christian based on that- but what the world sees and what makes me live for Christ is more than that "dictionary definition.
What a lot of the churched and unchurched world defines christianity by is a long list of rules. of do's and don'ts, and "things we don't do" in the name of following Jesus. that is SO not what it's about. i'm not gonna get into a discussion of legalism here because that is its own blog post, but let me say this. Jesus cares so much more about what's in our hearts than the motions we go through to prove we are His.
In my heart, the definition of being a Christian is this: I believe Jesus is the Son of God. i believe he died and rose again for my sins. i am so thankful for this sacrifice that i seek with my life to honor Him, glorify Him, and love like He loves. does it mean i am successful at this all the time? NO. does it mean i don't fall and fall HARD into doing things my own way at times? NO! what it means is that i am a wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked sinner who has been saved by grace and daily must die to self to live for Christ. no matter how selfish and sinful i am at times, that fact does not change. i would never claim to be better than anyone else- i'm not. i fall hard sometimes. Truth is, i'm held to a higher standard because as my mom would say, i've all the powers of heaven and earth at my disposal and i still sin. sigh.
an example of what i'm talking about is a recording i heard of an old drunk man singing "Jesus' blood never failed me yet" this guy is speaking the truth he knows in his heart and that he believes- but he's wasted. his drunkenness doesnt change what he believes or that he believes it- he;s jsut not being a consistent witness for Christ in this state- and i beleive that is really what my friend was talking about- i was hurting my witness through some of my actions.
The upside here- what can help my witness- and yours too if you're a Christ follower who sins like i do- is humility. i feel like the fact that God picks me up when i fall down and makes something beautiful out of my muck brings Him more glory and makes the gospel more accessible- being a christian doesnt mean you're perfect- it means you're loved anyway and can climb out of the messes you make.
this song has come to mean a lot to me and i think it describes the Christian walk beautifully:
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